I regret many versions of myself. The girl who loved people more than they loved her. The girl who stayed too long, who begged, who made excuses, who let people apologize when really she should have been saying goodbye. There are plenty of versions of me I’m glad I outgrew. But there is one I pray I find again. The one I hope I get back. The one who smiled at babies and got excited watching flowers bloom through cracks in the sidewalk, Who waved at strangers. Who believed most people were good, She was so unbelievably naive but God I miss her. A girl who was so excited for the future she never double checked if the front door was locked. She answered phone calls without assuming someone was about to ruin her day. She loved without thinking about how bad it was going to end. She believed in forever’s and didn’t quite know how long grief would last. I missed looking at a cloudy sky and assuming sun was coming because now I stare at the sun and wonder how long until it rains. I envy her. And I think that’s the happiest I’ve ever been. So tonight I’ll stay up and talk to the moon.
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